I miss talking to myself here..

Men are so deceitful. And I always find myself going into the same circle, struggling to get out. The last thing I want is another Nigel. It wasnt that I was blind, I knew everything that was going on, but I ignored because I thought one day he would come around. Well the day has come, and that thought has left. But I find myself in another situation that has the potential to turn into something resembling that. He has two kids, two different women, one he hasnt COMPLETELY broken off with cause they had sex up to the week before and he has admitted that it may be off today, but on again tomorrow. I don't believe the words that are coming out of his mouth. They probably had sex yesterday. This is where I should exit. This is where all the rehearsed speeches should flow through my lips and be heard by his ears. But I say nothing and hope that he does something dramatic for me to believe. Believe what? Believe anything. Believe that I may be on his mind enough for him to break it off completely with the mother of his child and come to me for something solid. In my life those things dont happen. I get tied up in the role of "woman not really suited for commitment, but great to have a good time on the side". I don't ever want to be placed there again. You get nothing and you end up giving everything. So I'm pulling myself out of the hole before i fall in. I should have kept my distance.