I am in love with him. The words almost escaped last night with him hard inside of me, usually that's when your emotions take the opportunity to release themself via speech. My mouth started to form the words, the brain kicked into high gear to take it back. Instead I muttered something about loving "it". I don't know how I get myself into these things, it has been almost two years, I keep reminding myself, and I am nowhere closer to running from him. As I should. He has a woman, a daughter, an entire life that even though I know about, I am not apart of. I have noone. I can't even say I have "him". On occasions like last night maybe, but not completely. So when he asked me if I was sleeping with anyone else.. I was taken aback. Cause I wish I was, I wish that I could. Strange, I wanted to ask him the same thing. I wanted to ask if he had more than one horner woman and if he was having sex with anyone beside me.. that would be, beside me and his woman. At least he said no. Another excuse to stay.. I wish he said yes so I could get mad and storm away.. But then I thought about him making love to someone else, to his woman. He was doing all the same things he would do to me. I felt ill.